Stepping into the Unknown

Becky at Luther Seminary Campus

“Faith is stepping off the map of what’s known and making a new road by walking into the unknown. It’s responding to God’s call to adventure, stepping out on a quest for goodness, trusting that the status quo isn’t as good as it gets, believing a promise that a better life is possible.” -Brian McLaren

As a child, I enjoyed the Choose Your Own Adventure books. The characters in the book arrived at a fork in the road, so to speak, with many possible paths laid out before them. It was fun to choose which direction I thought they should go and see how it unfolded. Life brings us to these moments when we have many opportunities to choose between, and the task of discerning which one to pursue feels daunting. As Christians, we question what path God would have us follow. We seek to know what God’s will is for our lives. I personally do not think there is one “right” path for every person but instead God uses every path to mold us into becoming our true identity as beloved children of God here to serve in our unique ways.

I want to share my personal journey of discernment with you and all the twists and turns along the way. As some of you know, I am currently a first year student at Luther Seminary. What you don’t know is that this path was one I have considered for decades. When my three kids were little, I inquired about it and kept the Luther Seminary Course Catalog in a pile by my bed, in plain view, for years. I wanted to further my education and learn more about the ministry…the thing I was passionate about. I planned to become an A.I.M, Associate in Ministry. The time was not right, and I eventually recycled the catalog. Years and years vanished along with the notion of a printed course catalog and the title of A.I.M. The Spirit stirred again, and I revisited the idea. Making any big decision and toying with a life change is scary. We don’t easily quiet the voices in our heads that tell us we can’t or shouldn’t do something for various reasons that usually stem from fear. Maybe I can blame turning the big 5-0 and wondering what the next half of my life could look like. Or maybe it was the emptiness of a once full house of five, down to just my husband and me.

With all those feelings and conflicting thoughts going on in my head…I sought counseling, and when that didn’t seem to be a good fit for me…I sought an ELCA coach. (Check it out at https://www.elcacoaching.org/ ) My ELCA Coach helped that still small voice inside of me become clearer and louder. During our three sessions, he listened well, asked thought-provoking questions, and showed me ways to be still and listen to the Spirit. He helped me determine what I wanted and gave me the confidence to take the first step. I sat on the couch along with my daughter Britta, and we filled out graduate school applications together. She was pursuing music, and I was pursuing Seminary.

I planned to get a master’s degree and begin the candidacy process to become a Deacon in the ELCA. Deacons bridge the church and the world by focusing on social justice, community outreach, and advocacy. They often serve the marginalized and equip lay leaders to use their gifts in service. Deacons serve in various roles in the church, such as youth ministers, musicians, parish nurses, or Christian education directors. It felt like the logical, safe option since I have worked as a parish nurse for 21 years at Trinity. Parish nursing, my dream job in college, has offered me an opportunity to combine my love of health and wellness with ministry.

I took the first step and headed to Luther Seminary with a new spiffy backpack crammed with theology books. It was thrilling to gather with people from all over the country and the world who share the same desire to learn more about God while also representing different denominations and diverse backgrounds. Luther Seminary does a nice job of providing opportunities for the remote learner. We are all required to take a certain number of classes in person during residential focus sessions (RFS). Over an intense three days, half of a semester-long class is completed in person before switching to online.

My first semester this last fall was great! I loved my classes and all the new connections I was making. I started meeting with a Spiritual Director as a benefit provided by Luther Seminary. She was supportive and held space for me to continue discerning my call to ministry.

My listening continued as I headed to New Melleray Abbey in November for the Step A Way Pilgrimage.
Sometimes messages come to us in unexpected ways. It was at the 4:30 AM prayer service when a woman entered late carrying a large reusable shopping bag full of stuff. Most guests do not show up to pray with the monks at their
4:30 AM prayer service, and if they do, they stagger in empty-handed. I thought it very peculiar, and it made me chuckle to myself. Then the thought dropped out of nowhere…“What would it be like for me to come empty-handed?” What would it mean for me to let go of my fears, the expectations, and the need to control and trust God’s presence and guidance? To walk in faith and trust without knowing where it will lead.

That was just one more nudge along the way that has led me to switch my end goal to a Master of Divinity in order to someday become ordained as a pastor in the ELCA. I’m taking a step in faith with open hands, trusting the process and future to God. None of us knows what the future holds, so I am learning to trust and hold it all loosely. I will continue to work as the Parish Nurse at Trinity while I take classes part-time. Along with my studies, as a student I will occasionally do field experience in other area churches. I thank you in advance for your prayers and support. You have been my best teachers, and I will always be grateful for the ways you are a part of my becoming.†

Helpful Steps when Making a Decision

• Pause- give yourself time to listen, whether that is by going on a retreat, a long walk, or sitting in silence. It is hard to listen to the still small voice within (aka the Holy Spirit) through a lot of noise and distractions.
• Pray- ask for help and guidance.
• Talk to people whom you trust- perhaps it is a family member or friend. Perhaps it is a counselor, spiritual director, life coach, or ELCA coach.
• Take a step in that direction- How does it feel? Is the way opening or closing?
• Reassure yourself that there is rarely a wrong decision, just a
  decision that can be changed as you go along.

“A Christian is never in a state of completion but always in the process of becoming.” – Martin Luther

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